A very good anecdote...

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[Germie]

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"


"No, Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."


After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But, honey, you haven't
got an Uncle Paul."


"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now."


Brief Pause.


"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to
Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."


"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."


A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. "I did it Daddy."


"And what happened, honey?" he asked.


"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no
clothes on, and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her
head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!"


"Oh, my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"


"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was
all scared, and he jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool. But
I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He
hit the bottom of the pool, and I think he's dead."


***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***


Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . Is this 486-5731?"

[teta]

Kaya dapat maniguro muna

[Lia]

praning!

[janissary]

COOKIE STORY

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies. She then sat down in an armchair, in the VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading. When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought, "What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him for daring!" For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought, "Ah.....what will this abusive man do now?" Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half. Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now! In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.

When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened! She felt so ashamed!! She realised that she was wrong ..... she had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse. The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter. While she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself.. nor to apologize.

[janissary]

Magic Pebbles

One night a group of nomads were preparing to retire for the evening when suddenly they were surrounded by a great light. They knew they were in the presence of a celestial being. With great anticipation, they awaited a heavenly message of great importance that they knew must be especially for them.

Finally, the voice spoke, "Gather as many pebbles as you can. Put them in your saddle bags. Travel a day's journey and tomorrow night will find you glad and it will find you sad."

After having departed, the nomads shared their disappointment and anger with each other. They had expected the revelation of a great universal truth that would enable them to create wealth, health and purpose for the world. But instead they were given a menial task that made no sense to them at all. However, the memory of the brilliance of their visitor caused each one to pick up a few pebbles and deposit them in their saddle bags while voicing their displeasure.

They traveled a day's journey and that night while making camp, they reached into their saddle bags and discovered every pebble they had gathered had become a diamond.

They were glad they had diamonds. They were sad they had not gathered more pebbles.

[cfoslib]

Test of Hardheadedness
Rewritten by Maeara

A contest was being held in a certain city in the Philippines.

Three men volunteered to participate in the contest: a Japanese national, an American expat in the Philippines and a Filipino.

The three males were led to the rooftop of a three-storey building. They were told to jump to the concrete pavement below. Whoever will have his head uncracked upon impact on the concrete pavement will win the contest.

The Japanese volunteered to jump first. His head cracked upon impact, but alive.

The American wanted to prove that his head was really hard, so he volunteered to jump next. Unfortunately, he crushed head down, and so he died on the spot.

Now came the Filipino’s time to jump.

The audience were now so excited on how the Pinoy would jump. They kept on shouting: “Come on, jump now!” “Come on, jump now! Prove to the Japanese and the Americans that Filipinos really are hard headed!”

But the Pinoy contestant would not jump no matter what the audience  would say.

When asked why he did not jump, he said: “I am not as stupid as the  Japanese and the American!”

[tetch_psych03]

     One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the
lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
 
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking,'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
 
 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
 at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
 
 'For reading a book,' she replies,
 
 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
 
 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
 
 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
 at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
 
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says
the woman.
 
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
 
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
 
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

[Nelson]

Germs brutal kaayo ka!

[Germie]

Nelson,
I was not the one who made this anecdote. Hehehe. Got this story from a friend through email. However, I saw an Oscar-nominated short film exactly like this. The difference is that it's not American nor Filipino film. I forgot where the film came from. I just have to check my DVD archive....

[Kaven]

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said "I Love You Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No
point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don't multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

[janissary]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happen ed to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. '

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!' gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith Fainted!!!


 

[janissary]

Fairies are Females   
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".

The wife, and the fairy, was deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and - abracadabra! - the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Some men might be ungrateful... But... Fairies are... Females!!!

[monritche]

wahahaha nice one Jay!

[Germie]

parang wala na masyado nagsheshare ng anecdotes dito ah... makapaghanap nga sa email...

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